He Loves Me (Not)
by Shomichii
Summary: Lawliet, the secretary of Yagami-san, shares a secret with the boss's son... They carry on a physical relationship with each other, and they think their secret is safe. But what happens when a jealous co-worker tries to blackmail Lawliet? LxRaito, non-con
1. He Loves Me (Not)

Hello all! :D I know it's been a while, and I have a million stories I should be working on (as usual), but I haven't had access to an actual computer in... er... half a year? Something like that. I attempted to publish this sometime in December on my phone but fanfiction wasn't accepting that. _

A few notes about this story before you read - **and don't skip down or else you might be a bit confused in later chapters. **

1. This story is in first person... present tense. First, I had it in past-tense but then decided it would be better in present and edited it as well as I could. If you see some mistakes that make it seem a little confusing, I apologize and I'll do my best to fix it.

2. Some of the characters might seem a little OOC. Especially Beyond. For those who love Beyond, I'm sorry I didn't make him like he's portrayed in other stories, but I felt like that would ruin the plot a little, with all that happens to L, who I made his twin. We all know he'd go on a killing spree and I couldn't have that. This time.

3. In some chapters (not all, because I'm trying to avoid this from happening TOO often) there will be changes of POV. From L's to Beyond's, or from L's to Raito's. I wrote a teeny bit in Beyond's POV in the next chapter to try and show a little of their twin bond, and that probably won't happen again. To show that the POV is changing, you'll see this - - - -

4. This isn't really too important, but there are two OCs so far. I was going to make one Kami, but it didn't really seem to fit since his obsession wouldn't be Raito.

And lastly, this first chapter is super smutty. It pretty much starts with and revolves around smut. This might be the only chapter that this happens, though, and moments of OOC (L). Don't like it, don't read it, and those of you who do stay to read and you have something to say, constructive criticism only, please~ 3

He Loves Me (Not)

I know what I do every day isn't moral, and some would argue that it's just sinful. But I love it. It's the skin on skin contact, knowing someone's deepest desires without even speaking to them, and the outright pleasure that melts away any thoughts of worry or fear. It's my outlet, and I wouldn't do this any other way, even if I could.

He has me on my back in the closet of his father's office, trying to keep me quiet while a meeting continues in the other room. A year ago, I never would have agreed to this, but now... now, it's the possibility of getting caught that turns me on even more.

I moan softly, covering my mouth with one hand, the other on Raito's shoulder as his hips snap against mine uncontrollably. I would say I love this man above me, but we get on each other's nerves too much for anything such as "love" to occur between us. I hate the way his silky auburn hair settles just right, even now as we're shamelessly fucking only three meters from where his father is sitting on the other side of the door. I hate how his brown eyes narrow when he knows I'm lying, or when he's trying to see through me. I also hate how damned perfect his body is, toned with muscle and covered in tan skin that looks so tantalizing.

But I love how he growls when I pull on those perfect locks, and I love how his eyes glaze over when I'm pleasuring him, because I know I'm the only one that can force him to completion with the flick of my tongue... And I love how his body shudders over me, even though he wants to seem so dominating and controlling as he takes me.

But I know he loves nothing about me. I feel as if I have no muscle mass in my body at all, and my hair is always a dull black and messy, sticking in any and every direction it wants to. I'm pale, nearly albino compared to him. Whatever sex appeal I have must all be in my ass because there is nothing beautiful about me in the least, not even the deep black eyes that turn a steely grey when the sun hits them just right.

There is nothing to love about me.

I whimper and tilt my head back, feeling the urge to come becoming almost overwhelming, but the ring around my arousal was making that impossible. I clenched around him, removing my hand from my mouth. "Haah... h-hey... let me go," I demanded, looking down at the cock ring. "I have to come. It hurts."

Raito smirked down at me, rolling his hips to touch my spot right on. I had to bite my lip to keep from crying out. "Not done with you yet... We haven't even done my favorite position."

I gave him an annoyed look through the pleasured one. "Won't last... that long," I gasped, clinging to his shoulders as he thrusts faster. My eyes rolled back, and my toes curl. "Oh, God... I can't - Oh, my G-!"

He kissed me hard to silence me, giving me some relief by removing the ring. He came after me, slamming hard against my prostate as he rode out his third orgasm. I saw white, relaxing completely under him for a moment, my mind going blank. When I opened my eyes again, he was standing up, looking down at me expectantly. I sighed, standing up tiredly and turned my back to him, leaning my hands against the wall, my ass sticking out slightly. I wiggled my hips and he grabbed them, teasing my entrance with his length. "Try to stay standing this time... It's not the same when you're collapsing on me every time," he said, and I could hear the smugness in his tone.

"Shut up," I growl, and he began to take me, rocking into me evenly at first. I move with him, my brain turning into a puddle again, barely hearing the creaking of the chairs outside, signaling that the meeting was over. "Nnn... hurry up," I groaned quietly, already feeling my knees trying to buckle.

He grunted, grabbing my wrists and pulling them back towards him, holding me up against my will. "Fine..." He whispered, picking up the pace again.

I feel like I'm going to scream, and when I hear the door close as the older men stepped out of the room, my stubbornness broke down. "Yes! Raito! Raito... Aah! So... good... More!"

I hear him inhale sharply, and he shoved me against the wall. "Well, when you put it like that..." He purred, giving me what I wanted, not holding back anymore.

I babble praise to him, glad I don't have to hold back either, feeling it building up so quickly in my abdomen. I cry out his name when I come, but he kept moving until he found completion for the fourth time. I sag against him, shaking from the aftermath and close my eyes.

Sometimes he stays for a moment to recuperate, and now I felt his heartbeat on my back. It's as rapid as mine, and I'm happy to know I tired him out just as much. He pulls back and cleans himself off before putting his stuffy suit back on. "Clean all of this up," was all he said to me before stepping out of the closet.

I scoffed, getting dressed slowly, wincing when I bend down to pick something up. I wipe the walls and the floor down, putting the brooms and mops up right, before quickly exiting myself, and got back to working at my desk, which was located directly outside of the boss's office.


	2. He Saves Me (Not)

Thank you for the reviews~ ^.^ It's not many but I appreciate your opinions of the story. That's what motivates me to see this to the end so... keep them coming.

I know I said before that it would switch to BB's view, but... I read through it again and I decided that specific scene wasn't exactly relevant. In the least. So I'm sparing you guys slight disappointment so I took it out. What I was attempting to do was show you guys what kind of relationship they had as twins. Sometimes twins have a kind of sense about the other, like they know when something's wrong. I wanted to try and use that but it just seemed, like I said before irrelevant.

I have a few **warnings** for this chapter: Non-con (non-consensual sex), Beyond Birthday is OOC (please don't kill me, that's just how he turned out in my head T.T), and... by the end of the chapter, L's a little OOC too but he had a good reason.

Also, something I forgot to add in the last chapter... none of these characters are mine except for Daisuke and Tatsuya. I don't own Death Note, obviously and I take no credit for its original plot, illustration, etc, etc... I just like playing around with the characters and torturing L. :D

Enjoy! And please don't get to review and subscribe. And remember, if you see there's something that's wrong/needs to be improved about this chapter (or the story in general) _constructive _criticism please.

Enjoy! 3

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><p>He Saves Me (Not)<p>

I sighed as I sat down in the cushioned seat, my eyes drooping a bit. I was tired and just wanted to sleep until the soreness was gone, but before I could rest my head on my desk, my twin came around the corner, looking lively as ever. I often wished that I had his never ending amounts of energy. Maybe then once in a while I could give Raito a run for his money.

People often say they can't tell the difference between my brother and I when they first meet us. I suppose we look just alike, but I see drastic differences each time I see myself next to him. He's always bubbly and happy, though his temper matches mine if ever caught in a bad mood. His eyes are brighter than mine too, and I think he just has this... natural beauty and easiness about him that I'm sure I'll never be able to obtain.

We may be twins, but we're like night and day.

"Hi, Lawli," he said, beaming over at me.

I forced a smile, almost too exhausted to pretend I was perfectly fine. "Hello, Beyond. What do you need?"

"I'm going out for lunch with Daisuke... wanna come?"

I shook my head and gave him another tired smile. "No... I think I'm going to skip today, but thanks for the invite." I knew that Daisuke probably didn't want me around anyway. We were always civil to each other, but that was it. We were never on the best terms.

"Oh... Okay... See you at home then." It was his turn to give me a forced smile. We never spend a lot of time together anymore, but I wasn't in the mood to deal with his lover.

I watched him walk off, and the moment that he was out of sight, I lay my head on the desk and closed my eyes.

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><p>I was in the middle of packing my things up for the day, wondering if Raito was still hanging around as usual, when I felt someone behind me. I turned my head and saw a co-worker of mine, Tatsuya. He was tall, taller than me, with black hair that was always slicked back with a few loose strands. He had on a blue suit today, looking sharp even after the long day. "Yes?" I asked, not in the mood to socialize. He was handsome and I had spoken to him a few times, but it wasn't like we were close, and I didn't really have an interest in him.<p>

He watched me pack up the rest of the papers, and when I turned around, he had a smirk on his face. "I know what you've been doing."

I blinked, my face blank. "Elaborate or go away. I want to go home." I was tired and getting impatient. I didn't have time to play games with him.

He chuckled meanly. "I know what you've been doing with Raito-kun... Your... _Sexcapades_."

My stomach dropped and I paused for half a second, but apparently even that was too long. His smirk grew and I wondered what he wanted. Do I have to pay him to keep quiet? Maybe he just wants to see me get fired either way. I frowned and shook my head. "I still don't know what you're talking about. Even if I was - which I'm not - I don't really understand how that would be any of your business." I finished putting the papers in my bag and I started to stand up straight and turned my back to him. He stepped over to me, and I felt him poking my lower back. But not with his finger.

"I'll pay you to keep quiet about this... And in return... I won't tell the president that you're sleeping with his son, and even worse, sleeping with him at work." His hand slid down my front, quickly making its way to my pants.

I turned around and shoved him away, glaring at him. "I'm not a prostitute," I snapped, narrowing my eyes, "and I don't care what you say. I'm not sleeping with you, here or otherwise." I made to grab my bag, but Tatsuya grabbed my arm and jerked me closer to him, kneeing me hard in my gut. The wind got knocked out of me and I groaned in pain. He shoved me on the desk, and I felt him grab my wrists, taping them together. I made to kick him, but he grabbed my legs, forcing them apart. I tried to struggle, shouting for help, but he took the tape again and slapped a piece over my mouth. "MMMM!"

"Now... Be a good little secretary and sit back... And enjoy this." He ripped my shirt open, making all the buttons go flying. His fingers ran down my torso and he bit the nape of my neck so hard that it would leave a bruise. Tatsuya jerked my pants down just enough to tangle them at my lower thighs, his fingers invading me. Tears gathered in my eyes and I tried to struggle more but he started to hurt me, grinding his fingers painfully against that spot. I stopped, closing my eyes.

Where was Raito and why wasn't he here?

When he finished, he left me on the desk, not even bothering to take the tape from my mouth. When I thought I was alone, I sobbed quietly, fearing that someone would find me like this in the morning.

I felt someone over me and I whimpered, afraid that bastard had changed his mind and come back for more. The tape was cut from my wrist and ripped from my mouth. I cried out, cracking open my eyes to see... Daisuke.

_Oh, God... He's going to laugh this one up, _I thought, not sure how much more humiliation and mocking I would be able to take.

He gently grabbed my arms and helped me up, and I pulled my pants up, quickly zipping them back up. I didn't look at him until he took off his jacket and put it around my shoulders. "Let's go," was all he said, and guided me out to his car, where Beyond was sitting, looking worried and afraid.

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><p>Aww, poor L.<p>

One last note. This is the first time I've done 1st POV like this... which is _past_-tense. I usually do present and I had trouble deciding at first. That being said, if there's any obvious differences in any of the chapters, I apologize before hand.


	3. They Comfort Me (Not)

Thank you all for your reviews and favoriting my story. ^^ Not getting a ton of feedback, but I think unless someone tells me that it's absolutely horrible, I'm assuming it's a decent story so far. In the scene following (which starts off in L's POV, in case you were wondering) I'm not sure I depicted his emotions right, if they weren't enough or too much, although when I was editing I couldn't figure out how to fix it, and after thinking about it, this is how I thought L would deal with something like this. As usual, review and/or favorite (although I would love to hear everyone's opinions on how the story is coming together).

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><p>They Comfort Me (Not)<p>

Beyond sat by me on the couch, looking miserable. He had an expression on his face that was mixed with anger and pity. Daisuke was pacing behind us, glancing at me every so often before he began pacing again, whispering to himself. "Shit... Shit... Oh, God."

I fingered the cup of hot coffee Daisuke had put in my hands, as if that would somehow sooth me. I heard the beating of the rain on the roof and the ticking of the clock on the wall. It was strangely calming and I stared at the black TV screen blankly, trying to keep myself together.

"Lawliet?" Beyond whispered, jolting out of my thoughts.

I knew what he wanted to say. I shook my head, closing my eyes. He wanted to hug me, tell me it would be okay.

I know it's not going to be okay. He's going to be there when I go back to work, and if no one else is there again when it's time to leave...

A whimper escaped me and I put a hand over my mouth, my eyes squeezing shut tighter. Beyond went to touch me, but I stood up. I pointed to the bathroom and rushed to the door, slamming the it shut behind me. I knelt down by the toilet and gagged until my breakfast came out, my eyes watering, more tears finally spilling over. I don't want to remember... I don't want to see him every time I close my eyes. I don't want to hear his voice or feel the how he drove into me. I'll die if I have to relive that, and even though it's over, I still feel it... I see him, I hear him.

I sobbed loudly, gripping the seat, squeezing my eyes shut again, shaking almost violently. "N-n-no!"

Beyond rushed in, coming to my side. He was silent, and even though he knew I wanted to be left alone, he hugged me with one arm, wiping the sweat from my face. I could practically see that he had the urge to utter those words that would make me snap - _It's going to be okay -_ but he refrained from saying them. "I'm here, Lawliet... No one will hurt you now. I'm... I'm sorry." His voice cracked, but he still fought to be strong. Usually, he would let Daisuke be the strong and rational one, his rock, his support.

"No," I said hoarsely, before turning my head to empty whatever was left in my stomach. I tasted only acid and it burned my throat so much that I stopped trying to talk at all.

When I finished, I collapsed on the bathroom floor against my twin, clinging to his shirt. He stayed with me and held me until I was too tired to keep my eyes open anymore.

I don't remember moving, but when I woke up very early the next morning, I heard the soft ticking of the clock next to my bed. My eyes felt very wet, and like they were glued shut. I don't know how long I lay there, listening to the near absolute silence, but when I cracked my eyes open, I saw that it was almost three. That meant the sun wouldn't rise for a few hours yet and my room was pitch black. It made me glad, or... Some dull, unenthusiastic form of it. I didn't want to see anything at all. The blackness was comforting and I reveled in it.

I hugged my pillow, pressing my face against it as I stretched my legs, but felt someone in the bed with me. I gasped and sat up quickly, reaching for anything to hit Tatsuya in the bed next to me...

"It's okay Lawli. It's just me," my twin said gently.

His outline in the darkness was clearer now. I breathed shakily, sinking back into the mattress, my limbs trembling. Beyond watched me for a moment, before he put a hand on my head. "It's okay," he whispered again, hugging me.

I opened my mouth to say "no," but nothing came out. It was like my throat was closed up; I couldn't utter a word. I sniffed, pulling the blankets over my head.

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><p>Beyond set my breakfast in front of me in the bed later on, giving me a small smile. "I called Raito-kun for you... He was blowing up your phone and I explained why you weren't there."<p>

I grabbed the front of his shirt, my eyes wide. _No! He'll be disgusted with me! He hates me now, he won't ever look at me the same again... He'll get me fired or... _I started to shake at the other desperate ideas going through my mind.

"No, no, it's okay. I-I lied. You didn't let me finish. I told him you were very sick and you would be back when you were... Better..."

I calmed down slightly, looking off into space. That was good, at least... But... Better? Was he taking only about my fake illness or my mental and emotional state now?

I let go of my brother and looked down at my food. It didn't look or smell appetizing. Even if it was my favorite, I probably still wouldn't eat it. "Won't you take a bite at least?" Beyond said hopefully, smiling a bit.

I shook my head and pushed the plate away. I saw my twin pout at me out of the corner of my eye but I didn't give in. Maybe something really was wrong with me now. Could something like... that... really mess up my mental state? It wasn't really different from what I did with Raito every day... So what exactly made it so different?

I shivered, pulling the sheets up to my chin. Raito knew what I liked, and even though we never really got along as friends... He always gave me pleasure. But Tatsuya... he just wanted pleasure for himself. He didn't care if I liked it, didn't try to woo me into trusting him or find my weak spots. He just took me, like... like I was some kind of toy.

It was good that I didn't try to eat anything yet, because I made a bee line for the bathroom once more, coughing up stomach acid in the toilet.

I had only a week to recover, simply because I was called into work next Monday when Raito's father demanded that I grow up and come in. He told me to wear gloves and a face mask if I had to, but I absolutely had to come in, or else I would expect to be fired.

Beyond came in with me for emotional support. "Why don't you just tell them what happened? If they need proof, they can look at the videos and they'll fire him. You can't-"

"Goodbye, BB. See you at lunch," I said dismissively, my face completely blank of any emotion. I looked at my desk, feeling disgust in the pit of my stomach. If I could, I would have thrown it out the window. I swallowed thickly, grabbing some disinfectant cloths and started to scrub down the entire wood surface.

Beyond watched me for a moment before walking off with a dejected look on his face.

The reason I wouldn't ever tell anyone what happened is because they might find videos of me and Raito together. I would be so humiliated for us both. I can't do that to him, even if he does treat me like his personal slut.

After I was finished, Yagami-san came out and looked at me. "I thought you were ill. You look fine to me," he scoffed, as if he had wished me to be bent over the trash can. "No matter... get to work. You missed a lot and I expect you to make everything up by Wednesday."

I nodded, meaning to give him verbal response, but I saw _him_ out of the corner of my eye, coming my way and my throat closed up again, fear consuming my mind.

Yagami-san walked away and I suddenly wished for him to stay there for a little longer. He could say cruel things to me, tell me I was weak and pathetic for letting something like the flu get me down and unable to work.

But he was gone and I was alone with him. If I managed to scream, would he come out immediately to see what was wrong?

He began to approach me with a mean smirk on his face, but someone else got to me first.


End file.
